Children need--and appreciate--a clearly defined
standard of behavior. Often misbehavior is just a child
crying out, "Show me the way!" Here are some
tried and proven parenting basics:
1. Set clear boundaries.
Set clear boundaries as to what your children are allowed
to do at home, and set reasonable punishments for
crossing them.
You may not have much control over what goes on
outside your home, but you can set the standard for
acceptable behavior and attitudes inside your own house.
2. Create a link of honest, open communication with
your children.
If your children are honest with you, you have a much
better chance of knowing what goes on when they are away
from home. They should feel that they can tell you
anything. You may not always agree or allow them to do
everything they want to, but they shouldn't be afraid to
confide in you.
The secret of establishing such communication is to
learn to listen. As a parent, one of the greatest gifts
you can give your children is your sincere interest in
them and their problems, as evidenced by your undivided
attention whenever it's needed. By simply
listening--really listening--you are telling your child:
"I want to understand and help you. I think you are
worth listening to, and I want you to know that I have
faith in you. You can always talk to me because I love
you."
Ask questions. When communicating with children--or
with anyone, for that matter--asking questions helps to
draw them out and shows your concern and interest in
them. Get them to talk. And when they are asking you
questions, be careful not to overly philosophize,
pontificate, or pretend to be something you're not. Just
stay simple! Show love and understanding. And avoid
offering any advice that you wouldn't want to apply to
yourself. Learn to present your advice or answers in ways
that are as easy as possible for them to accept.
Of course, before you encourage your children to
"tell all," you'd better be prepared to hear
them out without jumping to conclusions or flying into a
frenzy, otherwise they'll probably be sorry they even
tried to be honest and open with you. An admonishment or
punishment may be in order, but try not to give it on the
spot. Take time to think it through. (After all, if they
hadn't confided in you, they wouldn't be getting a
lecture or correction right then.) You can tell them that
you're taking a little time to think and pray about it,
but be sure to also commend them for being upfront with
you. It is good to approach the situation in question as
a problem you need to fix together, or learn from
together. Whatever the problem, it will be easier to
overcome--and easier on both of you--if you can preserve
the bond of trust between you and your child.
If you expect your children to be honest with you, you
must also be honest with them. It greatly encourages
children to know that their parents aren't perfect.
(Besides, you can be sure they've noticed!) By your own
honest admission of your mistakes and weaknesses, you are
setting a good example for them of what honesty and
humility are all about, and your children will love you
the more for it.
3. Find a balance in what to allow and disallow.
Pray for God's guidance as to what activities are
harmless, which ones you need to monitor and limit, and
which ones you need to forbid.
You will need to find a good balance in the things you
allow your children to do, especially when they are away
from home. Completely forbidding your older children and
teenagers to do certain things might not work and could
cause them to rebel and do it anyway behind your back. It
may be better to agree on reasonable limits together, and
then hold your children to them.
4. Don't be overly alarmed by outward appearances.
Don't be overly alarmed by behavior that's ...
Kids